As we come up into October I find myself always reflecting on the month and the past x amount of years. See it is my anniversary with Paula not only is it our wedding anniversary but it really is the month we started getting serious and I knew then that I was going to marry her. It just took some time to convince her I was right. Since then when I say something she knows I am right. :). No seriously I reflect and think how lucky I am to have in her my life even in our bad moments during college a lot of actions that I did or thought about doing were influenced by her and what she may think of me if I did those things. You can say even though we weren't talking for that short time she still had a hold on me and was able to keep me on the right path. The other day we were actually talking about the first place we met and what our impressions were. Come to find out little ole' shy me didn't make the first move, I thought she was a sophomore and I wasn't going to be associated with one of those. she started talking to me. I guess I just have a magnetism that she couldn't resist. In college I made a few mistakes and had to take care of those so I could serve a mission. During this time of repentance Paula was at my side again and she hasn't left. But I had an ex girlfriend from college that prior to getting my life together for my mission she would tell me she didn't want me to go and would try and keep from going even though it was something i wanted to do. While in my preparation to get on the mission Paula never once told me verbally that she didn't want me to go. She just always told me that I needed to do what I wanted and she would support me in that. I debated it for months and finally decided to go. she wouldn't promise me that she would wait and it took a lot of convincing for her to take a ring she still wasn't entirely convinced that I knew she was to be my wife. I think she finally figured that. She didn't want to make promises she couldn't keep. i returned home and we were married hahahaha I was right/ :)
Anyhow getting back to the why this is a special month. any one who has had a life changing event that puts stress on their marriage knows that the fact you have made it another year whether it was good or bad is another year down. October is special because that is one more year that I have had with her. One more year that my kids have had with her. Knowing that her cancer is terminal has changed my outlook on life and I have learned to cherish her. I find myself laying in bed next to her and I can't help but to touch her arm, face, stroke her face. I generally feel bad cause most of the time she is sleeping and I wake her up but I want to remember ever moment I can. she is my heart.
Recently I had some issues at work and needed to get some things worked out while getting these worked out she was supportive and never placed blame on me. she actually never even asked to hear the whole story. She just was there to help me. Which I think if she wasn't there for me I wouldn't have been able to get things worked out. When people say that so and so is their rock their foundation I don't think I ever really knew what they meant until I married Paula.
I am excited to celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary and our 17 year together. coincidentally they are less than a week apart.
As for Paula and her health she is doing okay she isn't doing great but she is doing okay. She has moments of great days and bad days. she continues to get scans and tests to make sure no tumors are growing. I will keep everyone updated as they come.
