Race for the Cure

Well we did our second Race for the Cure it was fun, there weren't as many people dressed wildly there were a few. I didn't think I would stand out with my pink hair bo-hawk(as my sister coined it). I enjoyed watching the Survivors Parade at the end. Seeing the ladies that have survived for 15, 20+ years got me a little choked up. Unfortunately the 0-5 came next and there are way to many "survivors" in that group. I just pray that my wife will be able to move from group to group and will get to that 20+ year group.

Here is a picture of my Bo-hawk. Any suggestions of what I can add for next year.

Results

Well we went to the doctor on Monday to get the results of the scans. All is good no other places seem to have the cancer. It hasn't spread. The dr is not sure how to continue at this point cause the cancer isn't following the same pattern it normally does. In fact she stated it was odd. So the new joke is Paula is an oddball that is the dr's diagnoses. Of course the dr never said that but well we can put a good spin on it. They are looking at two different types of treatment the first and most likely is an oral chemo pill that can break the blood brain barrier and the second is traditional chemo that may or may not break the the barrier. the dr is sending it up to the tumor board. The tumor baord is a group of dr's mostly the heads of each department including the research department and the discuss "odd" cases and what the best treatment will most likelyu be for it to respond. They were not sure when they would be able to get her file in front of the board but would do so as soon as possible.

While we have been waiting for the results we have had some serious ups and downs and have recieved more support than we probably deserve, but thank you to all. We also have been looking at alternate treatment programs which has been kind of weird to see some of these treatments. It is kind of nice to see what options are out there.

But for now we have awesome good news and feel like we can start back into semi-normal life.

New Developments

Well since a lot for information and what is going on and why I posted a few thigns the way I posted them. First off thank you to everybody who has been concerned and voiced it. i know many of you have thought but didn't want to ask which is just fine too, we have so many people I honestly don't remember everybody.

But to those who don't know Paula was having some pretty regularly migraines for a while a now and so in November they did a CT scan to see if anything was going on, nothing was found then but she still kept getting the headaches. One of the side effects of the chemo she was getting is migraines so they attributed to that since they couldn't see anything. Well about two weeks ago she was starting to get tingling in her fingers and toes again by themselves not a big deal because the treatments gave her neuropathy in her hands and feet. But then it started to spread to her lips and face. when that happened she called the dr's office and spoke with them and they stated that those were signs that the cancer could have may have spread. So on Jan 28 the gave her an MRI with the results not do back for 48 hrs. Yeah one day we will learn that when we get these scans done we need to do it on Monday or tuesday so we don't have to sit through the weekend waiting for results.

On Feb 1 Paula gets a phone call from the PA at her dr's office(the oconoligist is out on maternity leave) and tells her she has two tumors in her brain. It has been a full whirl wind since then. She went in for what we thought as consultation with the radation oncologist on Wednesday and we were expecting at the earliest to start was today(Today). No she went in and she was told you are starting tomorrow and well we go with it until we are done.

To say the least this has been another wakeup calll of what may happen, it has been hard to realize but the fact that this a very deadly deisase and that Paula has one of the most aggressive ones I realized there are some things out there that if something did happen, heaven forbid, the things we discussed this weekend is stuff I don't want to have to make without her.. So we discussed we needed to figure out where we wanted to be buried and we the tax returns back we decided it wouldn't hurt to just get them.

I hope no one takes it the wrong way but it is part of areality we aren't giving up and Paula has not been told she is going to die, we are just preparing. For those who would like to help my sisters have set up a website to help coordinate the days we may need something. here is the link http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/c/622773/ this will be updated regularly by either us or my sisters.

A New Year

Wow I had planned to get something posted on here within the first couple of days of the year, guess time flies when you're having fun. It amazes me sometimes how fast time can fly. People write these to get out their resolutions to set them out. I have my own and for the most part they are the same as normal lose weight get in better shape, yadda yadda yadda. I do however have a few more that I think are more realistic and personal.

The first of these is I need to be more attentive to my kids. I have found myself this past year taking care of their needs but not taking care of them. Yes I made sure they had food water shelter etc but I wouldn't always be there when they needed me, I want to spend more time teaching my kids how to do things. I want to help and give them the chance to have those opportunities I had as a kid. Playing catch with my kids, shooting hoops, going out and shooting guns stuff memories are made of. This last year I found myself in my chair curled up.

the second one is similar to the first I want and need to more attentive to my wife's personal needs. We the past year I have found myself not distancing myself but distancing myself. It wasn't until her friend passed away that I realized what was happening, don't get me wrong our relationship is good, but I want it to be great. I want to make it that way. I don't want to be her friends husband who lost his wife and can only reflect on what happened. I don't to chance having any regrets. how am going to do this I am not sure, I know more date nights is a good way but could use other suggestions if you have them.


So there you have my resolutions
Happy New Year!!!

Mortality

Paula and I were having a great morning until one of Paula's support groups friends sends her a email informing her that one of the other ladies in the group has died from liver failure related to her cancer. What is the scary part is not more than three weeks ago when Paula talked to her last she was doing well and was excited to go home from a trial treatment and was excited. Let's back up alittle bit, she was diagnosed about the same time with almost identical cancer and tumors and all that medical mumbo jumbo stuff was near identical. She recieved her first treatment and was declared in remission. She went on several trips was getting back to normal life when she was diagnosed again with it in her brain cancer and in the liver, the same as the orginal cancer so that is what lead her to the trial treatments away from home. While getting this new treatment she felt good and when the time was to go home she was excited and feeling good this was Dec 4. We then get an email on Dec 22 saying she was admitted into the hospital and wehn Paula tried to call and get ahold of her she was notified today Dec 23 that she had passed away. This has forced us to face what really can happen and how fast it can happen. It has brought about the same feelings we had when Paula was first diagnosed, but it also makes us glad to have what we do and to appreciate things a little more. We had been gripping and moaning about all the stuff that goes with Christmas the parties, the chaos it had made all that come into perspective of who cares about this life is more important and the fact that we have it.

RIP Bridget

Thanksgiving statements

I know this is a little late but hey better late than never right. Well I got home from work on Thanksgiving day and came home to a wonderful dinner prepared by my wife. Which I was THANKFUL for. And we all sat down around the table and before I let the kids really start eating I asked everyone at the table what they were THANKFUL for, well the kids gave standard answers parents, food, outdoors, etc. I then asked Paula what she was thankful for and she took me off with her answer. She said she was THANKFUL for life. I guess even in the crap we have dealt with I have still taken her life for granted. But I am definitely THANKFUL for her life and the fact I have been given the chance to be with her. I do sit here and think about what would have happened if we lived in a different era when we didn't have the technology we have today what would I do, how would I deal with it. I am THANKFUL for my wife and the technology that has saved her life, I am THANKFUL for my kids who have been generally good during this and when there is a real issue of how good they really are. I am THANKFUL for my family and the things they do that make life good.

Follow up's

Well not a lot has happened or been happening lately, we are adjusting to normal life without the constant appointments. But with this normal life thing the anxiety of the appointments starts to act up again. We are getting ready to start the whole follow-up process. Paula has an appt on Tuesday not sure which one this but none the less she has to go up. I guess it is one step at a time jsut like before, hopefully with time the appt anxiety will slowly disappear.